June 18, 2005 - A day I'll cherish forever
They say time flies when you're having fun. If that's the case, I've had a lot of fun over the last several years. I took this picture of Minnie on June 18, 2005... a Saturday afternoon at my home in Jefferson. The hand in the picture is one that held me when I cried, set me back on the right path when I wandered off, and guided me through the first 19 years of my life.
It was six years ago today that I lost my sweet mother, but it seems like just yesterday we were laughing over a board game or a dumb movie or one of her amazing home-cooked meals. Boy, does time fly. When I think of all she's missed--all the times I've both cried and celebrated without her by my side--it seems like an eternity has passed since I last saw her smile twitch and her eyes cross as I tried hard not to laugh at her for cracking a silly joke. What I'd give...
Mom and me on my birthday, October 3, 2003
It seems like even longer when I look at my life now and the "me" that she knew. I was really just a child when she last knew me. Maybe I'm still not quite grown, but I like to think I am most days, and I could only hope that she'd be pleased with the daughter she raised. Sometimes I catch myself mimicking some of her habits (good and bad!), and I hope I always do. In a weird way, it makes me feel like she's still here.
Mom and me in 1988 - We had just moved into our house in Pinhook. I was trying on
a new dress, one of a pair that my mom had made so we could match.
The saddest part of losing my mom at such an early age is knowing that she won't be around to enjoy her grandchildren. I watch Will play sometimes, and even though I know she's watching too, I just wish she could be a part of his life. She would be on Cloud 9 right now with the most precious grandson EVER, and a sweet little granddaughter making her way into this big world. I know that those two, and any children that I (hopefully, eventually) have would be her reason for living, and I regret that she is not here to see them.
from a 1987 family portrait
She was "known for" so many things... cornbread, caramel cakes, selling ice to Eskimos, pig ear biscuits with buttermilk and prune juice, a knack for making people feel special, and those LONG tub baths. (I don't think the water heater has recovered YET!) Another notable trait was her skillful matchmaking abilities. Now, some of those were a bust, but she's also had some success stories in that department, and I'm so happy for at least one of those. But I can't help thinking she's played a little matchmaking from upstairs, too, and I couldn't be more thankful for her efforts. Funny how things work out, huh Connie Sue?
Me, Maw, and Mom at Dave and Missy's wedding - September 4, 2004
I look back at days, and I look forward to days... both with the sadness of knowing I can't share them with her. Right, she's "here," and that's good consolation, but she's not here. Sometimes that just doesn't cut it. Christmas, Thanksgiving, birthdays, graduations, Easter, lazy Sundays, cleaning Saturdays, rainy days, sunny days, family reunions, family vacations, weddings (?)... those are the days I will always miss her, but I'll settle for the satisfaction of knowing she can smile down with utter happiness and the deepest peace imaginable in her soul as she awaits the day when we'll all be together again. She better be ready--we've got a lot of catching up to do!
3 comments:
You always know how to touch the heart, and she would like the woman you have become. I have a pillow from my wedding day from my mother, who is also no longer with on this earth, and it reads, "Always my daughter, now to my friend." I know your mother would feel that say way about you. Your mother hen.
Awww Betsy! I thought I had an angel telling me in my ear to meet betsy at RSC and go hear time zone! So sweet! I really can't even feel what you feel because I still have my mother. Don't know what I would do without her!
Teary now. Love you, friend. Your mom would be so proud.....
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